‘I bet it must have not been more painful than what I am about to share’,

‘This is nothing, You have no idea what all I have gone through’,

‘You are in a better position than me, I have my plate full. You have more time to process your pain’,

‘I can’t even begin to tell you it’s so painful’.

The comparison of pain makes me laugh at the same time I have a deep sense of empathy for the person who is trying to share his or her painful story with a loved one, family, friends, or anyone they think would lend them a listening ear. Anyone who would be ready to hold space for them. And not just hear to react or be ready to share their stories of misery but listen and then respond. It’s not a competition guys. Mine is better than yours. This person has allowed themselves to be vulnerable in front of you. It takes courage to be vulnerable and express one’s deepest fears while pouring their heart out.

More than half of our life goes into hiding our emotions or protecting ourselves from the world, which at times of distress appears might be out there to get you. And then expressing it either in the form of anger or shutting yourself away becomes your only way out. So if someone decides to be vulnerable in front of you and not just their therapist, be grateful that the person has chosen you to open up and is considering you as their safe space to share their feelings. Don’t be so quick to react or even belittle their feelings. Also, this urge to fix them or be quick to find a solution for them. I understand that finding the solution part may stem from a place of care and concern but hold on to it or even better, some of us don’t even realize it’s our superego doing the job for us. For us to feel better about ourselves and to think that somehow we are helping this person in front of us, makes us feel like the bigger person. I do have compassion for these people too because they have their own set of insecurities to deal with or just a reminder to look within. Trust me, all the person sharing is looking for is a listening ear and a safe and vulnerable space and not a fixing machine.

I have been a victim and doer of the same. I feel I have been protecting myself from eons and getting in and out of relationships and friendships with loved ones because I feel the world is out there to get me all the time and I need to either shut myself away or exit from connections. The easy way out, right? Facing the complexities of a connection with a loved one is hard and also standing up for your beliefs along with maintaining boundaries is harder. Because we all come with our set of expectations, biases, and conditioning, and all that might take time to reach alignment. And who has the time for that and who will put in so much effort? So let’s just go for the easy route. Let’s leave it. We live in a

world where we have so much on our plate that we have to think a lot before we decide to allow other people into our space or even spend time and effort on them. Yes, it’s true that some people just fall off the grid of your sacred geometry but you would know that feeling deep in your skin when It happens. Also, no need to be bitter about it and sever the ties but bidding them a sweet farewell in your mind just like many other things that were not serving you, makes it easy on you.

One of my mentors told me, ”Manisha you love the sound of my voice”. I think being a journalist for almost 8 years got the better of me and here I am. I have known this for a while that my throat chakra is out of balance, now you must be wondering what throat chakra have to do with all this. Well, my interest in all things metaphysics and energy healing has taught me that your voice to speak your truth comes from the throat chakra and if you speak too much or too little, both somehow indicate that something is out of balance. And you need not worry because from time to time something or the other in our bodies is going to be off balance and that is the beauty of being human. So enjoy the ride. So, this results in me, either talking way too much or I just don’t talk at all. Now just like many, I too experience spreading my seed of knowledge to others, sometimes even when they are not even asking for it. The day I realized this it’s been a conscious attempt to work on my listening skills and I can say I still have a long way to go. But yes, when someone is quick to react and not lend me a listening ear, the irritation is real also holding a mirror to me about where the work is needed.

Oh My god! How many things do I have to work on? I am 35 and is this going to be all my life. Unfortunately yeah, it’s a lifelong process and every phase has different learnings.

I also want to bring to light the painful truth about pain, which I had read in theory multiple times but experienced in a recent movement therapy session. Just like joy, pain too when experienced is felt deep, and depending on everyone’s pace, it has its own healing time for each individual. But for some, they become so familiar with pain that they feel at home with it. I recognized it when I kept saying to my fitness instructor that I was almost becoming used to this pain, referring to my chronic lower back pain. No one should get used to any pain. Our body becomes used to the physical pain when the mind instructs that it’s okay to feel it as it’s become a part of you now. And we become so used to it that we don’t know how to feel and act without it. Now this is not only physical but emotional pain too. Sounds scary right? Be very conscious of what you are getting yourself used to. Is it going to be healthy eating, exercising regularly, self-care or addictions, cribbing, gossiping, and many such habits? Your habits are a reflection of you. So be mindful of what you are readily flowing in your space and making it a part of you.

We become so familiar with pain in our bodies and minds that it becomes almost impossible to feel who we are without drama, tantrums, and gaining sympathy from people around us for it. It’s almost like an addiction that our mind craves and makes us feel better with being crippled but we don’t realize that it’s like any other crutch making you comfortable with being weak and helpless. It’s perfectly okay to allow yourself the pace for your healing and tread with whatever seems comfortable to you but movement is necessary. As it is rightly said, any progress is progress after all. Don’t be afraid to do the needful for yourself to shake open those wings that are itching to spread out into those vibrant colors and take flight.

Even the caterpillar remains in the cocoon for some time, undergoing metamorphosis to turn into a butterfly. Now the in-between phase is where all the mayhem lies. I call it mayhem because it’s where you will experience all the changes and transformations. And that is not going to be easy, but my friend it’s going to be some journey so try looking at it as an experience rather than as a task that needs to be completed. This has been a constant reminder for me every single day when I wake up and before I go to bed. Some days I just want to hide from the world and be under my blanket and shut myself in my room and some days it’s sweet sunshine. So be with your pain, don’t neglect it, don’t suppress it but allow it just for now, breathe, thank it, and then move on.